Valentine’s Day 2025 is just around the corner, and for many, it’s an occasion to buy gifts for loved ones. In fact, 53% of consumers in the UK are planning to spend money on Valentine’s Day in 2025 [1]. But what if these gifts become excessive, given too often, or feel a bit too much, too soon?  

Intense displays of affection can be a sign of love bombing. The term describes a form of emotional abuse during which a person uses excessive admiration, gifts or grand gestures to win someone over or maintain control in a relationship. While it is mostly associated with romantic partners, it can also be used by friends or family members [2]. Victims and survivors of domestic abuse, such as love bombing, are at higher risk of homelessness.

40% of women experiencing homelessness have stated that domestic abuse has contributed to their homelessness [3].

Love bombing can be hard to recognise because gestures of admiration don’t necessarily seem out of the ordinary and, initially, can make you feel special and appreciated. However, in the long run, it can create a sense of indebtedness, which can be exploited as a means of power and control. The abuse does not have to be exclusively psychological but can also include physical violence as the relationship progresses [2, 4]. 

But how can you tell if you or someone you know is falling victim to love bombing?  

7 signs of love bombing:

1. Over-the-top gifts: Probably the most common sign of love bombing are lavish, often unwanted gifts, particularly in early stages of a relationship [2]. What initially seems flattering, can create a sense of ‘owing’ someone to stay in a relationship and giving them your undivided attention.  
2. Declarations of love: Bombing behaviour doesn’t have to involve or be limited to gift-giving. It can also consist of endless compliments and an idealised view of their partner. Partners are quick to declare their feelings and make it out to be a unique and perfect connection, something they have never experienced before. Phrases like ‘You are perfect’, ‘I would do anything for you’ or ‘I cannot imagine my life without you’ are very common. It’s not unusual that they publicly share their love, for example on social media [2].  
3. Disclosure pressure & oversharing: Are they asking you to reveal personal details early in the relationship? By pressuring you to share secrets or sensitive information, they try to force a sense of closeness and intimacy. However, they may also use this information to manipulate, threaten or control you later [5].  
4. Rushing it: Does it feel like you are skipping steps in the relationship? Partners who might be love bombing usually don’t take long to call you the love of their life, introduce you to family and friends, or pressure you into commitment, or even engagement [6].  
5. Jealousy and isolation: Love bombers need you to be constantly available and demand a lot of attention. As a result, they often become jealous of your friends and family, attempting to isolate you, so your focus is entirely on them. They get upset or angry and make you feel guilty when you want to spend time with someone else, or even when you want to make time for hobbies [5]. 
6. No respect for boundaries: It can be difficult to spot the difference between love bombing and genuine love. What if this is just their way of showing true affection? If you sense that something is out of balance or their behaviour makes you feel uneasy, make sure to express your concerns and set healthy boundaries. In a supportive relationship, your partner should hear you out, respect your point of view and make an effort to adapt. If this is not the case, this can be a strong indicator for love bombing [4]. Remember, a relationship should feel right for both of you. 
7. Denial: Love bombers struggle to take no for an answer. They might frequently argue, guilt-trip or gaslight you and refuse to respect your boundaries. Their denial doesn’t have to be limited to your relationship. They may also talk badly about past relationships, putting all blame on their ex-partner [5]. 

Stages of love bombing: The cycle of abuse 

Although it is common to happen at the start, love bombing can occur at any stage of a relationship [2]. Typically, a cycle of abuse becomes apparent, starting with the idealisation stage. During this time, the victim gets showered with excessive gifts, compliments and affection in order to establish a feeling of both intimacy and indebtedness.

In the second phase, the devaluation stage, things take a darker turn, and the abuser may show their true colours. They become controlling and isolate you from friends and family, all while convincing you that this is normal behaviour. They may also become physically abusive and intimidate you to make you stay in the relationship. When you try to set boundaries, the partner denies any accountability and refuses to compromise. Sometimes, they may also abruptly end the relationship. This is called the discard stage [6].

However, breaking up doesn’t mean they will not still try to exercise control. 

Why does it happen? 

Love bombing can be intentional and unintentional [6]. It usually stems from a very low level of self-confidence, an inability to trust and dependence on other people. Their insecurities make them demand constant reassurance and attention. 

In some cases, love bombing is associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) [6]. NPD is characterised by an extreme sense of self-importance, a high preoccupation with themselves, lack of empathy and a need of admiration from others. Perhaps surprisingly, this self-importance is often driven by low self-esteem and insecurities. People diagnosed with NPD often take advantage of others to achieve their own goals and are likely envious of others. It is often caused by either rejection or excessive praise by caregivers in childhood [7]. In a relationship, they often expect to be the centre of their partner’s world, which leads them to seek control through love bombing. 

What can I do? 

Love bombing is not always easy to detect, but if you feel like something is off, too much or too quick, it is important to take a step back and assess your feelings. It can be useful to speak with friends and family, the people that know you best [6].  

If it feels safe to do so, communicate your concerns and boundaries to your partner. See if they are willing to adapt and work on the relationship. If your wishes and concerns are not respected, this can be a serious sign of love bombing. 

At the Marylebone Project, we often witness the impact of domestic abuse on women’s physical and mental health. Victims and survivors may experience mental health issues such as low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression [2]. Seeing a therapist or counsellor, or calling a helpline, offers an outside perspective and provides support in processing your emotions, healing, and exploring your options [6].  

If you ever feel unsafe or at risk, reach out for help. You can contact the police, your doctor or a domestic abuse helpline, as listed on the government’s website here.

If you want to find out more about how we at the Marylebone Project support women facing abuse and crisis, you can read about it here.